You know that you’ve almost caught the dragon but you really can’t keep going anymore. So you put the drugs away and settle in for cold turkey, a few days of screaming agony and loss of bodily function later you take a shower, throw the hooker off a pier tied to a rock and emerge to see what’s happened in the world in your absence.

He taunts me

So lets take a look a a few of the things I’ve found about what  happened while I was out

Christopher Walken reading the lyrics to pokerface:

I really don’t think I need to add anything here. It’s Christopher Walken.

The Citi Golf has Finally Gone Out of production

I had one of these, most people have driven at least one in their lives, now it’s gone, to be honest I say good riddance, the comedy handling was ridiculous.  Things things really have come a long way since ze germans designed that thing back in the 70′s. And we were the only country in the world still churning out those boxy monsters.

They had their place but I’m glad to see them gone. No one should ever have to suffer through owning a Brand New golf mk1. Now they’ll be sold where they belong: in second-hand lots.

They're gone now

To commemorate Vdub are haveing a tour with the last one ever produced. It’ll be cruising around the country and fans in the various destination cities will be able to sign on the car, if that sounds like your cup of tea then keep the 20th of November free, they haven’t revealed the location yet so you’d better check the goodbyeciti page closer to the date in question. Also if you’re not from Cape Town you’ll have to check to see when it’ll be in your city.

and Finally

The Invictus Trailer is out

Enjoy Morgan Freeman slipping in and out of Madiba’s accent. And Matt Damon talking like a clutchplate.

Looks decent doesn’t it?

That is unfortunately all for now. I have to go find something to eat to put some more flesh back onto my emaciated body. I’m gonna fatten myself up so that next time I can keep going long enough to catch that fucking dragon.

I Say Enough is Enough

For too long we have endured this song every time we turn on the radio, flick past MTV or stumble into Tiger Tiger Claremont. In fact, it doesn’t matter which club you go into, because you’re bound to hear it more than once in a night.

However, one of the effects of this evil song is even more nefarious than the beast itself. It is the droves of drunken party girls hollering it at the top of their lungs, almost in unison, over and over, and over, again.  Exhibit B:

Many people have tried to explain to me why this song has become popular.  These arguments rely heavily on the premise that the song is “cool”.  Unfortunately, nobody has been able to show me the fucking money.

The problem becomes clear when we examine the video.  This is the image of “Life as the Black Eyed Peas” we are receiving, and it is truly terrifying:

This Does Not Happen at Your Parties

This kind of image is used to distract us from the fact that “mazel tov” means “we couldn’t even think of something to rhyme with ‘cup’” in this context, and that once upon a time the Black Eyed Peas used to make something called music instead of this bunk.

What this is doing is making ordinary people think that getting drunk and singing a catch phrase, or using it as their facebook status before getting drunk, will improve their apparent coolness.  I believe that this is wrong of them, as you can clearly see in the image below:

That's Wrong Right There

So folks, please, next time you hear this song, don’t just grimace through it.  Show your disgust. Turn off the radio, change the channel, or get off the dance floor and go take a slash.  Soon other people who are sick of this song will start to do the same, and eventually ‘I Got a Feelin’ will go to that lonely place where songs like ‘The Macarena’ and Chumbawumba’s ‘Tubthumping‘ went to die.

Author: Jason Dude